Category: Relationships

Fulfilled – A Poem

I see you.


I see you before me.


You’re not real.


I sense you.


I sense you around me.


You’re still not real.


I feel you.


I feel you beside me.


I can’t believe you’re not real.


I embrace you.


I embrace you against me.


Can it be real?


I want you.


I want you inside me.


What is real?


I have you.


I have you within me.


It feels so real.


And I fall asleep fulfilled…




Farewell – A Poem

I watched you today

burrowing into the lost side of the dark,

hiding from all that surrounds you.


You proclaimed your heart

was bleeding in pain from the sword

of abandonment askew.


You touched my hand

to speak of love felt between us,

accusing me that I knew.


I wiped away your tears

shed in shame and embarrassment,

encouraging you to pull through.


You slammed your fist

out of anger, resenting my truth

claiming it to be untrue.


I writhed in anguish,

turning my head away from your hurt,

deciding to bid you adieu.



Early Happy Anniversary

I see you there, so far away.
For eight magical years, our hearts at play
Creating a life of endearing affection.

Come closer, Love, to my embrace.
Sense our souls interlace,
No sign of wound or rejection.

Pull me close, hold me dear.
Without hesitation, without fear
No superior interconnection.

Touch me; my body seething,
A change in your stifled breathing
As I reach for your erection.

Giving in to wet desire,
You stroke the heat of the fire
Our eyes glowing love in reflection.

Today, we are entwined as one,
Forever having just begun.
Our dance of pure perfection.

For without you no longer exists…

Intellectual Loneliness

There is currently a discussion going in one of the forums I’m a member of regarding this topic. Here is my opinion of the idea of intellectual loneliness:

This is a difficult topic. It can be frustrating to interact throughout your day with so many people that are simply on auto-pilot. They have no awareness, or desire for awareness, of anything other than the common topics they think they need to be able to discuss in order for them feel like they have purpose, i.e. popular TV shows, mainstream radio, and the books off of the best sellers lists. This is a topic discussed in our household on a regular basis.

I also find it interesting to note that most of the great philosophers, gurus, and magicians were typically single. Maybe a couple of failed marriages under their belts, but for the most part, alone. I think most intellectuals “think” their way right out of a relationship because, well… a relationship just isn’t always rational.

How does one overcome that? Should you? Do you think that being in a serious relationship with someone can hinder your ability to fully awaken as an individual since relationships are FULL of compromise?

I think the only way that a true individualist can maintain a serious relationship is to recognize that, just as they are an individual claiming rights to their individuality, so is their partner. It is not about confronting that other person in order to get them to…change their mind or conform. It is simply that you are two people, two individuals, that have decided to share your individuality on a daily basis. Congrats to those of you out there that have a serious relationship of this nature, for it is rare. And me… well… I worship the ground, and the water, that my individual counter-part walks on.

To take this back to the original line of discussion, I think you have to continue to seek out other intellectuals that are interested in sharing in the debate, not as a means to convert, but simply as a means for enlightenment, awakening, and continual quest for knowledge. You can usually tell within a very short amount of time whether or not the person you are interacting with is worth taking the discussion any further than the mundane, everyday ideas floated around. If that person isn’t of the caliber that you are looking for, stop trying to make them into it. Simply acknowledge them for who they are and walk away. Feeling the frustration over and over will not only enhance the frustration you are accumulating, but it will also waste too much of your precious energy on one not worth the expenditure.  That is not to say that the person themselves is not worthy; only that the frustration may not be worth the outcome.

Negative Emotions in Relationships

Among people that know me, I am the one most of them turn to for advice and/or motivation.

Recently, one of my co-workers approached me regarding a personal issue she was having with her boyfriend.  While normally I am very open to the story behind the problem, with this particular acquaintance, previous encounters have lead me to believe that no amount of talking, listening, discussing, or debating will have any influence on the action she will choose to take in regards to the problem.  As usual, I listened intently as she relayed her problem and asked questions for clarification purposes.  I observed her becoming more and more agitated as she progressed on with her laundry list of complaints about the man she “loves.”  The more she talked, the more frustrated she became until finally I realized, her increased frustration was not because of the situation with her boyfriend, but because I was not responding to her in the manner she felt was warranted.  She had wanted me to react like the other women, with negative emotion to what she was saying, to jump on the band-wagon, so to speak.  When I didn’t, and she realized I wasn’t going to, she finally stopped talking and asked me what I thought.

I love it when this happens.  I always respond with, “Are you sure you want to know?”  They always say yes.

I said to her, “While I hear what you are telling me about the situation, please understand that I only know your point of view.  Because relationships are always a two-way street, I find it hard to believe that you are the only victim in the relationship.  I’m sure that you feel, as you stated, that he is a ‘fucking idiot’ sometimes.  However, you have chosen to remain in the relationship with this ‘fucking idiot.’  Being in a relationship requires you to accept your significant other, even when they do something you would consider completely stupid.”

She was not happy with my calm, rational response.  I continued…

“It has been my observation that you have complained frequently about your boyfriend in the past several weeks.  I wonder if you are aware of the negative energy you radiate when you discuss the situation.  I can’t imagine that when you began this relationship, you felt the same way you do now about him, but in a healthy relationship, your love is suppose to grow stronger, not weaker, as it progresses.  I don’t think this is the case for you.  If you cannot handle the responsibility of the relationship, and you are completely negative about the dynamic that has been created, then you would have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth it any longer.”

She stared at me like I was speaking in a different language.  The shock that I delivered to her emotional center paralyzed her thought process.  Just as I began to continue, knowing that I would have no impact on her, another co-worker approached us and said, “Did you say he (insert any stereo-typical complaint a wife might have about her husband here)”?  She turned her attention towards the new listener, and off they went in a flurry of complaints about the men they “adore.”  I had realized before I initially responded to her that anything I had to say would all fall on deaf ears.  She had no interest in listening to anything other than someone agreeing with her perspective of the situation.  Her ego blamed, complained, and tried to make others wrong in order to create a stronger sense of self. Ultimately, it is the ego that controls how most people view themselves and the world around them. Why is this?

Every one of us carries a build-up of negative sludge attached to us, gathered from negative past experiences.  When we encounter a situation that vibrates with the same painful emotion that resides within us, we respond with a negative expression of that emotion.  It is this identification that causes the recurring pain within the individual.  A man that had been neglected or abandoned by his mother at an early age will continue to have problems with the women he engages in relationships because that negative emotional response will trigger his energy to vibrate whenever he begins to get close to a woman.  A woman that had been physically or sexually abused by her father at a young age will continue to have problems with the men she engages in relationships because that negative emotional response will trigger her energy to vibrate whenever she begins to get close to a man.  Because the vibration is linked to the negative emotional response, the people that these two individuals will find themselves “attracted to” will be of the same nature that the mother or father was.  This vibration due to a negative emotional response will be misinterpreted as falling in love.  Unfortunately, it will continue on in this manner until that person recognizes the truth about what they are experiencing, understands where the pain is coming from, and can prevent the pain from renewing and re-energizing itself through them.

As Eckhart Tolle suggests, evolution is a breaking of old patterns within oneself and emerging with a new dimension of consciousness.  In the scenarios previously mentioned, these individuals must stop playing the unconscious role of the painful sludge.  Once they become aware of the negative state, they have succeeded in awakening within the moment.  Then, they can address the pain directly.  This will diminish the power it has on the individual and allow them to think more clearly about the emotion they are experiencing.  The energy they vibrate will take on a different frequency and in the future, help them to attract a different type of mate than they had in the past.  This is a step towards awareness.

For those already in a relationship, this can be even more difficult.  They have already established certain pains that feed each other’s negative emotions.  It may even be what attracted the two of them together.  Once one person begins to awaken to this pain and reduce the energy around it, it can create instability within the relationship.  “I feel like I don’t even know who he is any more,” or “She’s not the woman I fell in love with.”  In some cases, it may feel like the other person is pulling away from the relationship.  To a woman that is used to the argument every night when she comes home, the lack of the argument can be misinterpreted as him not caring any longer.  Or, “She didn’t yell at me when I left my socks on the floor this time.”  “He didn’t complain when I maxed out the credit card last week.”  Now, they begin feeling insecure because the other person they have come to know and love isn’t acting like “themselves.”  Some people will try to pull away emotionally as a response and begin looking towards other people that can feed their negative emotions.  Others will try to anger their significant other in an attempt to trigger the negative response that show just how much they care.  These are all more examples of how toxic negative emotions can be in a relationship.  Over an extended period of time, the accumulation of emotional sludge between them will create a tenacious co-dependency.  So, how do we overcome this?

If you, after increasing your sense of awareness of yourself and the individual you are in the relationship with, decide that it’s still worth going home to, then I would suggest you involve them in your evolutionary discovery and process.  Not all will be open to your awareness.  Some will become insecure, feel insignificant, and turn away from you.  If this is the case, you have to question the validity of the relationship in the first place.  Then, you can make an informed decision about whether this relationship is worth the continued effort and go with whatever that answer may be.

If you are in a relationship that your partner is open to the evolutionary process, then utilize it in all areas of your awakening.  Make a pact with your partner that each of you will let the other know whenever something is said or done to trigger a negative emotional response at the moment it occurs.  This requires you to observe yourself specifically when triggered by a negative emotion.  In doing so, you will both be given the opportunity to awaken fully to the moment and emotions at hand, and it will reduce the negative emotion between you.  Your combined frequencies will shift and the negative response will reduce creating less long-term, negative effects that contribute to the continued build up of sludge.  The residual effect on the relationship will only enhance and open the level of communication between you.  Each time that the announcement takes place of a negative emotion being triggered, the energy surrounding that emotional response will be lessened.  The arguments will lessen, not because one or both of you care less, but because the negative triggers will carry less power over your emotions.  As you both become more awakened, the need for the announcement will decrease and the instances of negative emotional responses will be limited to addressing the behavior or situation specifically.  In time, the expression of the negative emotional response will be nearly, ideally completely, eliminated.

This is evolution within two of your most intimate relationships, your relationship with your significant other and your relationship with yourself.  The co-worker mentioned at the beginning of this article will continue to fail in her relationships with others because her focus is on feeding the negative emotion that the two of them create rather than on the idea that it doesn’t have to be negative at all in order to be passionate and fulfilling.